Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You dont lie about slip and slides
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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