My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
