Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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