I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
