Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
