On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
