i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
