I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
its not stalking. its research.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
