I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
