He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
