He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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