Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
