Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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