He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
well you can't waste a boner
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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