do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
