You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
