Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
