so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
