Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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