fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
