So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
