just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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