Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
