i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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