I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
