Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ketchup is God's man juice
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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