Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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