just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
