umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
