I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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