Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
