another moral hangover. fuck.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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