I'd wear matching sweaters with you
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think i have two assholes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
