My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
