DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
