Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
