i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
