Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
