I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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