Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
