he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
