we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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