i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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