My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
