Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
