Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
