I will die if light touches me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
