Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the day after is always just damage control
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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