I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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