If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
