when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
