Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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