So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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