Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
